Homo's Weekly (with most sincere apologies to Harper's)

John Roberts was approved by the U.S. Senate Judiciary Committee despite strong and vocal opposition from Lambda Legal Defense Fund, the Human Rights Campaign, the National Center for Lesbian Rights, Parents and Friends of Lesbians And Gays, the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, People for the American Way, all major pro-choice and Reproductive Rights organizations, a plethora of well known progressive political institutions and the clear majority of all rational and thinking American voters. Three, of eight, Democrats on the Committee joined the Republicans in the vote of support.

The Vatican leaked an upcoming papal decree which states that homosexuals are unwelcome in the seminary. Many Catholic Americans are shocked and begin to worry over the imminent approach of shortages for priests. Meanwhile, the Archbishop of Mexico publicly stated that he has no apprehensions in taking donations from known, violent drug barons.

17,000 petition signatures to recall sex-scandal-plagued gay Spokane, Washington Mayor James E. West were delivered to authorities today. China announced plans to market condoms named for former President Bill Clinton and intimate Monica Lewinsky.

Despite the apparant lack of any large, organized Gay events or circuit paties, Hurrican Rita is poised to decimate Texas coastal communities, Beaumont and Port Arthur. Out, Gay partners Dan Smith and Steve McDonagh premiered their Food Network cooking show "Party Line with Dan & Steve" after winning a recent cooking show host contest: the first episode featuring head-turning brunch recipes.

A Christian school in Ontario, California expelled a 14-year-old female student when it was learned that she had Lesbian parents. California's recently passed same sex marriage legislation is anticipated to arrive at the desk of Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger (former star of Hollywood blockbuster, "Total Recall"), who has vowed to veto the bill. In unrelated entertainment oriented news, "Hellbent" the first "Halloween" style Gay, slasher-horror film was released in major American movie theaters this week.