The Lighter Side of Hurricanes

Remember years back when the National Weather Service was still naming hurricanes after women?

Perhaps those good old boys of yesteryear in their starched, white, short-sleeve shirts with clip-on neckties would share a chuckle while deliberating name selections. And then one of them would sigh, shake his head and slide his black, poindexter glasses further up the bridge of his nose and share a story with his co-workers about "Maxine".

"Yeah, boy, that Maxine. Whew. One day, everything is all calm and sunshine and the next thing you know, out of nowhere, WHAM! Yeah, you better just get the hell out of her way."

It was no great secret that the use of feminine names for each hurricane was a sexist wink and nod to convey their unpredictability and potential fury.

In years recent the practice has ended and masculine names are now alternated with feminine.

Well, in honor of every wound-up, pissed-off, creatively berserk, subtly devastating Drag Queen that I have ever met, I would like to propose a change. Next year, all hurricanes will be named after Drag Queens.

Here are some suggestions, A - Z, based on names I have admired or have always wanted to see in use.
A -- Anita Martini
B -- Banga Hardman
C -- Carnie Asada Wilson
D -- Demanda Lott
E -- Eeaka Living
F -- Fonda Cox
G -- Gwen N. Barrett
H -- Helen Bedd
I -- Ida Slapter
J -- Jarda Tumi Senses
K -- Khlymidia Fuyu
L -- Linda Hand
M -- Mona Loud Lee (tied with Miss Nomer)
N -- Noxzema Jones
O -- Oda Rent
P -- Pat Response
Q -- Quazi Normal
R -- Ruba Nesque (or Rhoda Hardd, or Rachel Tension, I can't decide)
S -- SupposiTori Spelling
T -- Tanya Hide
U -- Usilla Queen
V -- Vera Otta Control
W -- Worsty Alley
X -- Xena Phobe
Y -- YoSharon de Mann
Z -- Zsa Zsa (just Zsa Zsa)

The irony of this is that red states are impacted by hurricanes. Imagine an entire trailer park being evacuated, frantic rednecks panicing and running about, heading for their pickup trucks. Gathering up children named Brittney, Tiffany, Amber and Dakota. Terrified. Screaming:"Let's get the hell outta here! Fonda Cox is heading this way!"

What's tragedy without irony?