The Lighter Side of Hurricanes

Remember years back when the National Weather Service was still naming hurricanes after women?

Perhaps those good old boys of yesteryear in their starched, white, short-sleeve shirts with clip-on neckties would share a chuckle while deliberating name selections. And then one of them would sigh, shake his head and slide his black, poindexter glasses further up the bridge of his nose and share a story with his co-workers about "Maxine".

"Yeah, boy, that Maxine. Whew. One day, everything is all calm and sunshine and the next thing you know, out of nowhere, WHAM! Yeah, you better just get the hell out of her way."

It was no great secret that the use of feminine names for each hurricane was a sexist wink and nod to convey their unpredictability and potential fury.

In years recent the practice has ended and masculine names are now alternated with feminine.

Well, in honor of every wound-up, pissed-off, creatively berserk, subtly devastating Drag Queen that I have ever met, I would like to propose a change. Next year, all hurricanes will be named after Drag Queens.

Here are some suggestions, A - Z, based on names I have admired or have always wanted to see in use.
A -- Anita Martini
B -- Banga Hardman
C -- Carnie Asada Wilson
D -- Demanda Lott
E -- Eeaka Living
F -- Fonda Cox
G -- Gwen N. Barrett
H -- Helen Bedd
I -- Ida Slapter
J -- Jarda Tumi Senses
K -- Khlymidia Fuyu
L -- Linda Hand
M -- Mona Loud Lee (tied with Miss Nomer)
N -- Noxzema Jones
O -- Oda Rent
P -- Pat Response
Q -- Quazi Normal
R -- Ruba Nesque (or Rhoda Hardd, or Rachel Tension, I can't decide)
S -- SupposiTori Spelling
T -- Tanya Hide
U -- Usilla Queen
V -- Vera Otta Control
W -- Worsty Alley
X -- Xena Phobe
Y -- YoSharon de Mann
Z -- Zsa Zsa (just Zsa Zsa)

The irony of this is that red states are impacted by hurricanes. Imagine an entire trailer park being evacuated, frantic rednecks panicing and running about, heading for their pickup trucks. Gathering up children named Brittney, Tiffany, Amber and Dakota. Terrified. Screaming:"Let's get the hell outta here! Fonda Cox is heading this way!"

What's tragedy without irony?

Secret Confessions -- Part 2

I've seen him in other subtle performances recently. But I've just realized recently that he's not only a good actor, a good enough actor that he actually blends into his role so well you almost forget his size, but he's actually kind of intriuging and smoldering!

Yes, I have a little secret celebrity crush on Peter Dinklage. He's kind of hot.

I saw him recently in "the Station Agent". He was great, and I thought to myself "Oh yeah, that's the little guy from that tv show, no wait, that's the guy from that commercial for that thing..., hmmm not the guy in "Alias", definitely not the guy from that Michael Meyers film... " He is so not Mini-Me! He's like a smaller version of Mark Ruffalo.

Then, when you realize how different he is at his roles, you notice he has those eyes. He has great, expressive eyes. Dark blue, so dark, they're almost purple. Next, you notice the brooding quality of his eyes: deep, playful, pleading eyes. He's very good at nasty-when-need-be, jabbing glares too.

Peter Dinklage is sexy. He's hot! Come on, he's not that much shorter than Tom Cruise! You can do a lot with camera angles and very short co-stars. He's much more sexy, intelligent, and personable than Tom Cruise. And here's a plus: no kooky religious cults.

The thing that worries me is, why he didn't make his agent/manager switch from the so-obviously-created last name of "Dinklage". "Dink" sounds too much like "Dinky": on a sub-conscous level. Not sure if that was a good idea

Seriously. I am oddly, preternaturally attracted to him. And mark my word, he's going to break a lot of barriers for actors. He's so good at conveying his coolness, his aloof attractiveness, his sullen detachment, his wounded optimism that he's going to become this surprise sex symbol.

I'd totally do him.

Secret Confessions -- Part 1

[More of these to come I'm sure...]

I love to watch American Idol. I love the really bad try-out auditions. When not completely offended, I love the homoerotic banter between Ryan and Simon.

Last season kinda sucked. Carrie Underwood?!?!?! WTF! Yuck. And Bo Bice? The best thing about him was the cocaine addiction. Not a lot of highlights that season... but I was still glued to the tv every week (Vonzel had promise).

The bad thing about the show is that America votes. And most of America has really bad taste: politics, movies, tv, presidential elections.

The past season had much more talent. Fantasia won, and I liked her voice, but she cried too much (and the album was very disappointing - "B.A.B.Y. M.A.M.A." -- enough said). Clearly the best, and my two favorites, were LaToya London and Jennifer Hudson.

LaToya's new album has just been released. Much better than the bilge put out by Fantasia. But here is the hopeful part for me: Jennifer Hudson Is Next!

Jennifer Hudson was the best, she blew them all away. Her voice part bluesy, part gospel, part power-ballad, part soulful... amazing! I remember how indignant Elton John was when she was voted off the show.

Mike thinks they should bring back "Dreamgirls" to Broadway, with Jennifer Hudson reprising the Jennifer Holiday role. I totally agree... (and I am telling you, I'm not going!!!!!!). That, or she should do a few duets on the next Death Cab for Cutie CD.

Let's all keep our fingers crossed. Maybe Elton is producing her new CD. Scratch that, she just needs a shot.

We're patiently waiting.

Jennifer Baby bring it on, we're all waiting!