I DON'T HEART HUCKABEE

The Top 10 Reasons for Moving to Canada If Mike Huckabee Becomes President

1. Yeah, yeah, yeah... so you lost 200 pounds... so spend some money and either buy a few new suits or fucking have them taking in a bit. Don't they have tailors in Arkansas?!?!

2. If you believe in Creationism, that the Earth

is only 4,000 - 6,000 years old, and that the Baby Jesus had a pet dinosaur, then you probably shouldn't be allowed to set national standards for the education of future generations.

3. After eight years of a fundamentalist Christian President who thought he was having conversations with God, wouldn't electing another Fundamentalist Religious Extremist for another 4 to 8 years classify the U.S.A. as a possible "terrorist state"

4. Chuck Norris is your celebrity endorsement, seriously!?!? Yeah, Oprah is a total assbag and may be campaigning for Obama, but that's completely (well, mostly) negated by George Clooney, Ed Norton, Steven Colbert, Halle Berry and Sharon Stone.

5. Three words:

"Former Baptist Minister".

6. In at least three stump speeches, Huckabee has proclaimed the sacradness of "supporting the right of families to raise their children, not the government". Yet, the son he raised, was prosecuted for capturing, torturing, hanging and discmboweling a stray puppy... while on a Boy Scout Camping Trip! That's a "Christian Father of the Year!" award waiting to happen.

7. When Benazir Bhutto was assasinated, he didn't seem to know exactly where in the world Pakistan was located. (Perhaps somewhere between Jericho and the gates of hell... as described in the Old Testament??)

8. Seriously, all of Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgendered America are really sick to death of being villified, scapegoated and treated as second-class citizens.

9. His name prophetically rhymes with "DumbFuckABee".

10. Canada has legalized Same-Sex Marriage and Marijuana... Why are we still here?!?!?!

Boys Gone Wilde... Or Wilde Boys... Or, actually just a quote by Oscar Wilde...

A great poet, a really great poet, is the most unpoetical of creatures.

But inferior poets are absolutely fascinating.

The worse their rhymes, the more picturesque they look.

The mere fact of having published a book of second-rate sonnets make a man quite irresistible. He lives the poetry he cannot write. The others write the poetry that they dare not realise.

Azaban

 

Cowboys Are Frequently Secretly Fond of Each Other

After seeing this film twice (and reading the short story), I am struck by how much this film resonates and lingers.

It's not just that the actors are hot, or that Gay America is starved for films like this, there's just something about the story.... something about love unrequited and denied that still smolders for decades... it's so sad, yet such a statement of strength.

Can a sign of hope be derived from the fact on the day after the U.S. Senate confirmed Sam Alito to the U.S. Supreme Court, "Brokeback Mountain" topped the list of Oscar nominations?

It's like this country has a split personality. We elect and empower a government that would appoint a man like Sam Alito to our highest court. A man who will likely cast deciding votes to overturn Roe v. Wade, to turn back privacy rights, civil rights, consumer rights, workers rights. Yet, we produce and embrace "Brokeback Mountain".

Well that shows the schism in our culture I guess.

Other thoughts on the film:
* I find myself sometimes slipping in conversation and referring to it as "Bareback Mountain".
* That Pansy Division song (titled in this blog piece) keeps gettting stuck in my head now.
* After seeing the film the second time, I spent many days speaking like Ennis del Mar to deliberately drive my partner Mike crazy (and it reminded me of this hot cowboy guy I went to high school with about 100 years ago -- so that was like a double bonus).
* Rufus Wainwright's song "the Maker's Make" was robbed and should have got an Oscar nomination for best song!!!
* Heath was definitely the top.

Seriously. Brilliant film. I plan to see it again... and to try not to cry so much as the credits are rolling at the end.

Maul-mart

Just what we needed: one more reason to detest Wal-mart and vow to never shop there again. The footage of "Black Friday" shoppers was all over the news the day after Thanksgiving. Customers queued up in line for hours to be the first in the door at 5:00AM the day after Thanksgiving. Wal-mart was advertising unbelievably low prices on popular merchandise items... which were, of course, only available in very limited supply.

So, of course, thousands of anxious, cranky red-necks were waiting in pre-dawn, sub-freezing weather for hours to race, shove and brawl with another to buy one of the five available X-Box 360s in stock. People were screaming, franticly shoving one another, falling, being trampled... it was like a Garth Brooks sighting at a Nascar racetrack.

Seriously. The behavior being generated and exploited by Wal-mart is bad enough. But here's an interesting point. Across the country, at these pre-dawn shopping melees police, paramedics and firefighters were required. Crowd-control, arrests of overtly garrulous shoppers, medical attention for trampled patrons: all of these needed services being provided by tax-payers. While Wal-mart makes more record profits.

Just as tax-payers pick up the tab for the health care of Wal-mart employees. Full-time, underpaid Wal-mart workers have no health insurance... but they still need health care.

The heirs of Sam Walton, founder of Wal-mart, are usually scattered throughout several of the top 10 slots of the annual Forbes list of billionaires. Isn't it clear why?

No health care for underpaid workers. Forced overtime hours for workers without overtime pay. Exploitation of third-world laborers, making about 18 cents an hour to make cheap products to be sold at low Wal-mart wagers.

Uggh! But everyone already knows this... and we still go crazy to get in the damn store and pay $1.99 for a battery-operated, made in China, nose-hair remover to give to Aunt Gertrude for Christmas.

Boycott Wal-mart.... sorry, Maul-mart.

The Governor Has No Clothes!

Well, perhaps California has come to its senses! Perhaps the hynoptized-by-muscles-and machismo bullshit is beginning to wear off. His blind ambition has been revealed. Let us take a deep breath and remind the voters here in the 5th largest economy of the world and arguably one of the most progressive states in the U.S., that Arnold is a former apologist for an Austrian, Nazi war criminal, and an unabashed groper of women. AND! that he starred in "Kindergarten Cop"!

Apparently, here in the wee hours of Election Day, it appears that all of Governor Schwarzenegger's ballot initiatives have failed. Despite the butt-loads of corporate money. Despite the advantage of his celebrity status. Despite her sheepish, stand-by-my-man-regardless-of-my-family's-political-legacy, someone-feed-me-I'm-anorexic-so-obviously-my-brain-is-not-working-properly, NO!-really-I'm-still-a-Democrat Maria Schriver. Despite all the guest appearances on Jay Leno, Oprah Winfrey and Beavis & Butthead. Despite the frequent inability of American voters to think rationally... Justice is perhaps, finally being served! Cold.

Arnold's initiatives have gone down in flames. The voters see him for what he is... finally. There is no there, there. He pretends to be a moderate, yet embraces vigilantism against immigrants. He states that he doesn't have issue with gay marriage (on Jay Leno no less!) and then vetoes a law which would legalize it. He claims to be revolted by his predecessor's corporate contributions, and then doubles them within months of his ascending the governor's throne.

Hopefully, this trend indicates that Arnold has lost his star quality with California voters. Not a moment too soon. Nation-wide, today, the Republican party has had their asses handed to them on a platter... well, except for the anti-gay marriage initiative in Texas, which is comparable to having people in hell vote in favor of ice water. [I say, it's time to return Texas to Mexico... except, perhaps, for Austin...]

I predict that Arnold will find reason to not run for re-election and will return to film-making. And then we will all really, truly suffer! Can we survive another "Jingle All the Way"? Another over-the-top action flick? Another bad film with Danny DeVito as a cranky/fiesty side-kick? [note to Barbara Streisand: implement height requirements at all future celebrity political fundraisers.]

Arnold's done. The chimera has fizzled out, and the voters now see through him. Now, would someone please sit on Maria Shriver and force-feed her a ham and cheese sandwich?!?!

The Lighter Side of Hurricanes

Remember years back when the National Weather Service was still naming hurricanes after women?

Perhaps those good old boys of yesteryear in their starched, white, short-sleeve shirts with clip-on neckties would share a chuckle while deliberating name selections. And then one of them would sigh, shake his head and slide his black, poindexter glasses further up the bridge of his nose and share a story with his co-workers about "Maxine".

"Yeah, boy, that Maxine. Whew. One day, everything is all calm and sunshine and the next thing you know, out of nowhere, WHAM! Yeah, you better just get the hell out of her way."

It was no great secret that the use of feminine names for each hurricane was a sexist wink and nod to convey their unpredictability and potential fury.

In years recent the practice has ended and masculine names are now alternated with feminine.

Well, in honor of every wound-up, pissed-off, creatively berserk, subtly devastating Drag Queen that I have ever met, I would like to propose a change. Next year, all hurricanes will be named after Drag Queens.

Here are some suggestions, A - Z, based on names I have admired or have always wanted to see in use.
A -- Anita Martini
B -- Banga Hardman
C -- Carnie Asada Wilson
D -- Demanda Lott
E -- Eeaka Living
F -- Fonda Cox
G -- Gwen N. Barrett
H -- Helen Bedd
I -- Ida Slapter
J -- Jarda Tumi Senses
K -- Khlymidia Fuyu
L -- Linda Hand
M -- Mona Loud Lee (tied with Miss Nomer)
N -- Noxzema Jones
O -- Oda Rent
P -- Pat Response
Q -- Quazi Normal
R -- Ruba Nesque (or Rhoda Hardd, or Rachel Tension, I can't decide)
S -- SupposiTori Spelling
T -- Tanya Hide
U -- Usilla Queen
V -- Vera Otta Control
W -- Worsty Alley
X -- Xena Phobe
Y -- YoSharon de Mann
Z -- Zsa Zsa (just Zsa Zsa)

The irony of this is that red states are impacted by hurricanes. Imagine an entire trailer park being evacuated, frantic rednecks panicing and running about, heading for their pickup trucks. Gathering up children named Brittney, Tiffany, Amber and Dakota. Terrified. Screaming:"Let's get the hell outta here! Fonda Cox is heading this way!"

What's tragedy without irony?